party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
