My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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