He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
