WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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