OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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