I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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