i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
