cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
