i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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