i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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