Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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