I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
