guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
