If i could tip my vagina, i would.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
