I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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