i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
