I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize