so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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