is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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