I'm jealous of your bromance
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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