I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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