Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
