I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Swine flu. Run for my life!
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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