I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
