dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
