In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
