You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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