I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
