Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
