I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
