Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
