just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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