Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
