I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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