idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
