Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
