Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
