My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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