Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
