Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
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