my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
