Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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