2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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