just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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