I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
