that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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