Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
