she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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