if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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