I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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