how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
