I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
