Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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