Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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