Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I need to calm my uterus...
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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