i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
