Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
