Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i may or may not be watching the land before time
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
