I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
