My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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