I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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