I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
