Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
