What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
