I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
