sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
whose parrot is this?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
