Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize