btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
