I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
