he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
