C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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