I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
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