When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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