today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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