His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
