Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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