"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Randomize
