How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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