She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
