remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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