U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Randomize
