# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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