hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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