Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
