Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
