i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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