I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
