i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
