I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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