Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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