Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
