I must be too annoying 4 u.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
