Heybabeimwearingurpanties
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize