do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
