there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
