do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
