I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize