While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize