YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
