i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
