I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
