i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
