make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
