end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize